SAT-SUN, 2/13-14: SKINT WEEKEND

saturday

11am-6pm: the people’s market nyc, a new market of makers and collectors, opens with a pre-valentine’s day assembly of 30 local vendors, plus a photo booth, dj sets and more. house of yes (bushwick), free admission. >>

11am-11pm: you’re already feeling the bern, but now you can see it, too: a bernie sanders-inspired art show and fundraiser comes to brooklyn and features the work of some 50 artists, along with performances by a marching band and a gospel choir, plus free health care by an on-site registered nurse. brooklyn wayfarers (bushwick), free. >>

12pm, 2pm: cupid’s undie run: run through the streets in your undies! for charity! party @ 12pm (participants only, registration fee/donations required), run time 2pm (spectators, free to gawk). starts at stage 48 (hell’s kitchen). >>

12-5pm: sip ‘n shop at dusty rose vintage (greenpoint), with free bubbly, haute chocolate tastings, typed poems by the haiku guys, and 25% off your purchase. >>

12-6pm: more than 20 cruelty-free vendors sell baked goods, hot dogs, grilled cheese, skin care products and more at the vegan shop-up market’s v-day pop up. pine box rock shop (bushwick), free admission (under 21 must be accompanied by a parent of guardian). >>

1pm: treat yo’ self to a galentine’s day tour and tasting at liddabit sweets’s industry city candy-making facility, with brunchy beverages and discounts on purchases. $18 (advance purchase recommended). >>

1-3pm (+ 2/22): brooklyn based’s wedding crashers wedding fair returns 3/13, but you can check out their wedding band showcases twice this month. today, ‘a bootleggers tea party’ with music by baby soda jazz band and the tribute string quartet, plus free small bites. the landing at industry city, free with rsvp. >>

1-5pm: see glassblowing demos, talk to artists and tour 17,000 sq. ft. of studio space at fort greene’s urbanglass open house (free admission). make-your-own glass flower and kiln-formed sun catcher sessions are also available ($20-65). >>

sponsored 2pm: open the door to a creative staycation at the new school’s parsons school of design and eugene lang college of liberal arts summer programs open house. >>

canceled due to extreme cold, irony. 3-7pm: it certainly will be cold enough for central park’s fifth annual ice festival, where master ice carvers from okamoto studio will hack away at 6,000 pounds of ice and you can dance during a silent disco party. food trucks will have treats and grub available for purchase as well. naumburg bandshell (mid-park from 66th to 72nd sts.), free admission. >>

4pm, 10pm: hoverboards still aren’t real, so go back to the past and dance the night away like it’s 1955 at the enchantment under the sea dance party, videology’s back to the future themed event. early happy hour goes 4-8pm, with live music kicking in at 10pm. $20. >>

6-8pm: enjoy your galentine’s day with a bit of complimentary mionetto prosecco at the sons of essex bar (les). >>

6-11pm: ekg’s second annual all hallows’ valentine eve party kicks off a large group art show of small-sized dark art. con artist (les), free. >>

7pm: improvisers and their real-life valentines who don’t do comedy for a living perform at ucb (east village). $5. >>

7:30pm: carly ann filbin hosts a comical dating show that’s fit for the cynical singleton (or questioning couple), let me break you up: an anti-dating game show, where a series of games will test the strength of real couples’ partnerships. the losing couple ‘has’ to break up! new location: pete’s candy store, $5 suggested donation. >>

7:30pm doors, 8pm show: at your love, our musical, rebecca vigil and evan kaufman interview a real couple in the audience to create a completely improvised musical with a full band. littlefield (gowanus), $10 adv, $12 dos. >>

8pm (+ 2/21): the bowery electric becomes an opium den for the cave: a folk opera, winner of ‘best first play’ and ‘the encore producer’s award’ at the 2014 fringe festival. free. >>

8pm: the string orchestra of brooklyn presents brahms’s violin concerto, beethoven’s grosse fuge, and a piece by timo andres. st. ann and the holy trinity church (brooklyn heights). $15 general, $10 students/seniors. >>

8pm doors, 8:30pm show (weekly): bring an old trophy, a souvenir shot glass, your sticker collection, or anything with a story for a shot at winning $20 cash at the show/tell show, a night of stand-up comedy and show + tell. tonight’s performers include aaron glaser, zane golia, conrad roth, nick lewis, bret raybould, and niles turner. hosted by jennie sutton. over the eight (williamsburg), free. >>

9pm (biweekly): the human citizen comedy show, hosted by koshin egal, features performances by lauren vino (mtv news), jeffrey joseph (comedy central), jim search, daniel simonsen, and rachel lenihan. art cafe and bar (prospect heights), free. >>

9pm: party throwers gemini + scorpio celebrate 13 years with their annual meet me in paris: a clandestine cabaret, an evening of live music, burlesque, magic, absinthe, tarot readings and more. themed dress required. gowanus location revealed with rsvp, $20 until 1am, $10 after. >>

9:30pm: pump your fists lovingly at the love bites: power ballad sing-along, featuring two hours of pro- and anti- love ballad music videos from the 80s + 90s, plus an air guitar competition, costume contest, themed drinks, and free v-day candy. union hall (park slope), $10. >>

10pm-12:30am: at ‘the resort’, artists kerry lessard and robert hickerson restage vintage golden age postcards, and display paintings, photographs and videos that compare an idealized past to the reality of the present with a live score by anders nils. the hollows artspace (bushwick), free. >>

10:30pm (monthly): gas station horror: host j. w. crump shows 30-second scenes from b-horror films purchased from gas stations and bodegas, which are then finished by improvisors. plus, giveaways, raffles, and trivia. the pit (flatiron), $10. >>

10:30pm (weekly): check out a valentine’s day massacre from ‘the cast’, a theatrical improv show that features an entirely made-up play that alternates between the on-stage production and backstage performer drama. magnet theater (chelsea), $10. >>

10:30pm: don your canadian tuxedo for the denim disco, a denim-themed party that includes the chance to donate your old blues to the blue jeans go green recycling program. jeromes (les), free. >>

11pm: horrorchata presents be cute be mine, ‘a dance party for homos and aliens from outer space.’ littlefield (gowanus), $5 adv or before midnight, $10 otherwise. >>

midnight: dance to songs about love, robots, cell phones, computers and other electronic things at the digital love dance party, spun by djs brian blackout and doctor mister (feeling gloomy, ydh2s). union hall (park slope), free. >>

midnight-ish movies:
breakfast at tiffany’s @ landmark sunshine. $10. >>
cabin fever @ ifc. $14. >>
misery @ nitehawk cinema. $11. >>
sid + nancy @ videology. $5. >>
sixteen candles @ ifc. $14. >>
the man with the golden gun @ ifc. $14. >>
the shining @ ifc. $14. >>
videodrome @ ifc. $14. >>

ends saturday: (dis) connected and erase your ex’ double features: her + lars and the real girl and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind + forgetting sarah marshall. syndicated (bushwick), $5. >>

sunday

12pm: sunday sessions at moma ps1 (lic) presents valium valentine, a 6-hour musical collaboration between songwriter/producer andrew wyatt and artist sarah ortmeyer, who’ll be joined by guest musicians including charli xcx. $15. >>

1pm (sundays): take a boozy greenpoint beer + ale co. tour with four .2 litre tastes. $15. >>

1pm: celebrate the year of the monkey at the 17th annual chinatown lunar new year parade + festival. free. >>

2pm, 4:30pm, 7pm, 9:30pm: bogart! hepburn! holden! bamcinématek screens billy wilder’s 1954 romantic comedy, sabrina. $10 matinee, $14 other times. >>

3pm: author, editor, and historical tour guide marie carter tells tales of love gone wrong from nyc history. q.e.d.(astoria), $10. >>

3pm: the north/south chamber orchestra continues its 36th season of free concerts at christ and st. stephen’s church (uws). >>

4-10pm (monthly): the second sunday open studios at red hook’s pioneer works features site-specific installations, open studios, performances, live music, djs and more. $10 suggested donation. >>

6pm: a few hundred love birds renew their wedding vows at a ceremony on the red steps of times square’s duffy square. free. >>

7pm: 11 local bands cover the best of the worst love songs at tonight’s edition of sunday sounds. 61 local (cobble hill), $8. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show (monhtly): writer/sex educator lux alptraum teams up with comedians to take a tour of classic sex education videos for the wonderful world of boning: sex ed with a sense of humor show. union hall (park slope). $8. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show: hear fast and funny tales of heartbreak from almost 20 comedians and storytellers at jon friedman’s annual valentine’s day rejection show: aparna nancherla, myq kaplan, matt koff, giulia rozzi, lane moore, slena coppock, reformed whores, and more. littlefield (gowanus), $10 adv, $12 dos. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show: ‘unloveable’: the smiths/morrissey tribute band the sons + heirs and doug gillard (nada surf, guided by voices) play their annual valentine’s day show that this year includes a video tribute to david bowie. author rob sheffield (love is a mix tape, talking to girls about duran duran) hosts. the bell house (gowanus), $15 adv, $20 dos. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show: the love show dancers present the annual go f♥ck yourself! titillating valentine’s day performance extravaganza, a ‘rollicking, rocking evening of dance, circus, burlesque, magic and song, delving into all the heart’s desires’. the slipper room, $10. >>

7:30pm: laura lane and angela spera perform comedic sketches inspired by their new humor and advice book, this is why you’re single. q.e.d. (astoria), $5. >>

7:30pm: spend v-day with the complicated relationship between hannibal lecter and clarise starling at sva theatre’s free 25th-anniversary screening of jonathan demme’s the silence of the lambs (1991). >>

8pm: all babeland locations stay open late to celebrate v-day with complimentary wine and chocolate to fuel your adult toy/supply shopping. free. >>

8pm (weekly): the if you build it comedy show with guest host tim dillon includes performances by mike recine (conan), jacqueline novak (james corden), marlena rodriguez (unbreakable kimmy schmidt writer), mike cannon, chris laker, joyelle johnson, and max rosenblum. ucb (east village), $5. >>

8pm: nuthin’ but love songs and slow jams and lady djs at the i love vinyl valentine’s day party. tba brooklyn (williamsburg), $5 before 9pm w/ passphrase ‘til the cops come knockin’, $10 otherwise. >>

9pm: 20 ladies put on ‘vagina valentines’, a parody character showcase inspired by the vagina monologues. the pit (flatiron), $5. >>

9pm-4am:  bloodsuckers and other creatures of the night take over slake (midtown west) for the endless night anti-valentine’s masque vampire ball. $20 adv ($35 for couples). >>

10pm: electronic composer jg thirlwell and experimental guitarist sarah lipstate collaborate at national sawdust. $15. >>

10pm: members of cro-mags, ramones, murphy’s law and more play a motorhead tribute at the bowery electric (bowery). $10. >>

all weekend

11am-10pm sat + sun: say yes to ice cream in winter and buy-one-get-one free at egloo, a new waffle cone shop opening in chinatown. >>

11am-7pm sat + sun: bring home your new furry best friend for just $25 at the best friends animal society pop-up adoption event. 159 bleecker st. (greenwich village). >>

1-3:30pm sat, 12:30-3pm sun: 12 teams from around the country give free performances in public spaces around manhattan and brooklyn for the 31st annual half moon new york sword dance festival. >>

8pm sat, 7pm sun (ends sun): a bloody comic book comes alive onstage at radiohole’s tarzana, the story of a guilt-ridden superman, two non blondes, an architect of terror and more surreal mayhem. collaboratively written with screenwriter jason grote (mad men). $15 splash zone seats, $25 general admission. >>

ends sunday: get up close and personal with soloweek redux, a weekend-long festival of solo storytelling shows about cats, apartment searches, third grade teachers, phone sex operators and more. the tank (theater district), $10. >>

thru 2/16: the 44th annual dance on camera festival features 20 feature films, 36 shorts, and more revolving around ballet, jazz, contemporary jazz and even trapeze. filmmakers and dancers will do q+a at select screenings. film society of lincoln center (uws), $14 general, $11 students/seniors, plus seven free programs. >>

thru 2/18: the ‘bestial’ ever have: film forum (west village) screens jean cocteau’s beauty and the beast (1946). $14. >>

thru 8/21: the cooper-hewitt design triennial exhibition, ‘beauty,’ features 250+ works of extravagance, intricacy, transgression and emergence by 63 designers from around the globe. $18 general, $12 seniors, $9 students. >>

check our website for ongoing events. >>

ticket deals

get tickets to blood manor’s bloody valentine’s haunted house thru for $16-25 (plus ticket fees, reg. $30-45). >>

get free tickets to the art on paper art fair at pier 36 3/4-6 (plus ticket fees, reg. $25). >>

get free tickets to the annual new york green festival at the jacob k. javits center 4/15-17 (plus ticket fees, reg. $10-19). >>

get tickets to mike birbiglia’s thank god for jokes at culture project’s lynn redgrave theater 2/16-3/10 for $25+ (plus ticket fees, reg. $56.50+). >>

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FRI, 2/12: THE ARTIST ROOM, ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY PARTY, SOLOWEEK

around town today

gothamist shares their picks for the best all-season rooftop bars in nyc >>

5:30pm: a heated subject: the new school’s india china institute brings in flood of fire author amitav gosh and professor prasenjit duara for a discussion on global warming and the rise of asia. free. >>

6:30pm: time correspondent jay newton-small hosts a ‘girl talk’ on the subject of his latest book, broad influence: how women are changing the way america works. new america (flatiron). free (rsvp). >>

6:45pm doors, 7:30pm show: drag queen linda simpson hosts a valentine’s edition of linda loves bingo (fka ‘le bingo’) at le poisson rouge gallery (greenwich village). free admission, $5 for two game cards, $10 for five >>

7pm: laura lane and angela spera host a night of commiseration and comedy for the woefully unattached with readings from their book, this is why you’re single: chiara atik (modern dating: a field guide), jennifer wright (it ended badly), jasmine lobe (observer) and julie vadnal (cosmopolitan). strand books (union square), purchase of the book or a $15 gift card required for admission. >>

7pm: david w. blight (professor of american history at yale), edna greene medford (professor of history at howard) and harold holzer (lincoln and the power of press) introduce a screening of edward zwick’s glory (1980) at the new-york historical society (uws). first-come-first-serve free tickets will be distributed starting at 6pm as part of pay-what-you-wish admission friday nights (6-8pm, reg. $12-19). >>

7pm: the museum of the moving image’s ‘see it big!’ documentary screening series dedicates three weeks to 20 classic and contemporary docs. remaining in the series: the last waltz, gimme shelter, pina and more. $12 general, $9 students/seniors (includes museum admission). >>

7pm-midnight (+ 2/13 11am-11pm): you’re already feeling the bern, but now you can see it, too: a bernie sanders-inspired art show and fundraiser comes to brooklyn and features the work of some 50 artists, along with performances by a marching band and a gospel choir, plus free health care by an on-site registered nurse. brooklyn wayfarers (bushwick), free. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show: go on a hollywood honeymoon, a love-themed homage to the age of the silver screen, with showgirls, acrobats, crooning songbirds, a supper club-inspired atmosphere and you, dancing cheek to cheek with someone special. formal evening attire encouraged. le poisson rouge (greenwich village), $10+. >>

7:30pm + 8:30pm (+ 2/13): the artist room, an interactive happening: enter a room at the washington square hotel where spoken word poet rudy francisco gives an intimate performance. free (rsvp). >>

7:30pm doors, 8pm show (weekly): pace yourself for the slow dance comedy show, featuring stand-up from janeane garofalo (wet hot american summer), kevin mccaffrey (letterman), josh rabinowitz (friends of the people), nimesh patel (broken comedy), paul hooper and chelsea hood. hosted by aaron glaser and amy cardinale. 2-for-1 drink specials before 8pm. niagara (east village), free. >>

8pm (monthly): comedians and storytellers recount their most cringeworthy sexual encounters at the awkward sex…and city storytelling show, held in the basement of a sex shop. tonight’s guests: robin gelfenbien (yum’s the word), jefferson bites (foreplay!) and jamie brickhouse (moth storyslam winner, dangerous when wet: a memoir of booze, sex, and my mother). hosted by natalie wall. and thanks to condom giveaways, no one will leave empty-handed. bonus: admission includes free beer + wine, plus 15% off store purchases. the pleasure chest (ues), $12 adv with promo code ‘skint’, or $15 at the door if you mention the skint (reg $15 adv, $20 door). >>

8pm (monthly): f*ck that movie! comedians/haters joel kim booster (paper magazine’s ’10 comedians you should know’) + anna drezen (how may we hate you?, reductress) discuss the movies they hate the most with a panel of local comedians. tonight’s guests include mara wilson (welcome to nightvale), liza treyger (comedy central), gary richardson and pat regan. videology, $5. >>

8pm (weekly thru 2/26): save a couple’s dying relationship in the interactive ‘groundhog date’ show, where audience members watch performers breakup on a loop and try to stop the cycle by offering solutions and stepping in. the annoyance (williamsburg), $10. >>

8pm (thru 2/14): a bloody comic book comes alive onstage at radiohole’s tarzana, the story of a guilt-ridden superman, two non blondes, an architect of terror and more surreal mayhem. collaboratively written with screenwriter jason grote (mad men). $15 splash zone seats, $25 general admission. >>

8pm: the lonely hearts ukulele cabaret pulls at your heartstrings. jimmy’s no 43 (east village), free. >>

8pm: the prettiots play an album release show with the britanys and patio at alphaville (bushwick). $10. >>

8pm-midnight: develop an appreciation for the art of manual photography at the gowanus darkroom’s one-year anniversary party and gallery show. free. >>

9pm: alt country/americana/folk blues band jan bell and the maybelles play a birthday bash along with jeri choi and bob oxford at jalopy (carroll gardens/columbia street waterfront district). $10. >>

9:30pm (monthly): lynn bixenspan and morgan pielli’s relationsh*t show features stories and advice from a panel of comics and actual therapists that’s way more fun—and cheap—than a session on the couch. this month’s guests include myq kaplan (small, dork and handsome, comedy central), ben lillie (story collider), caitlin brodnick, marc gerber and daniel perafan. q.e.d. (astoria), $8 adv, $10 dos. >>

10pm: comedian couples do bits about each other at the bae-o comedy show, hosted by real-life comedy couple nate fridson and alison klemp. the creek and the cave (lic), free. >>

10pm: reclaim un-cuffing season at the skint’s ’it’s friday, i’m (not) in love’ anti-valentine’s dance party dedicated to those who fly solo on valentine’s day, with music by dj gordon gloom (feeling gloomy, ydh2s), $5-8 drink specials, an all-black dress code, and dark corners to get handsy. littlefield (gowanus), $5 adv, $8 door. >>

10:30pm (weekly thru 3/4): stand-up showdown! this five-week bracket-style standup comedy tournament pits eight comedians against one another with material on topics that are given to them day-of show. winners are selected by audience vote and return to compete for the final cash prize on 3/4. hosted by will neville and jenn welch. the pit (flatiron), $10. >>

midnight (monthly): jeff simmermon (this american life, the moth grandslam winner) hosts the ‘and i am not lying’ variety show, with stand up by josh gondelman (lsat week tonight), storytelling by lynn bixenspan (comedy central), burlesque by le grand chaton and sideshow by miss vivian. ucb (east village), $5. >>

midnight-ish movies:
breakfast at tiffany’s @ landmark sunshine. $10. >>
cabin fever @ ifc. $14. >>
misery @ nitehawk cinema. $11. >>
sid + nancy @ videology. $5. >>
sixteen candles @ ifc. $14. >>
the man with the golden gun @ ifc. $14. >>
the monster and the stripper (friday only) @ spectacle. $5. >>
the shining @ ifc. $14. >>
videodrome @ ifc. $14. >>

thru 2/13: (dis) connected and erase your ex’ double features: her + lars and the real girl and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind + forgetting sarah marshall. syndicated (bushwick), $5. >>

thru 2/14: get up close and personal with soloweek redux, a weekend-long festival of solo storytelling shows about cats, apartment searches, third grade teachers, phone sex operators and more. the tank (theater district), $10. >>

thru 2/16: the 44th annual dance on camera festival features 20 feature films, 36 shorts, and more revolving around ballet, jazz, contemporary jazz and even trapeze. filmmakers and dancers will do q+a at select screenings. film society of lincoln center (uws), $14 general, $11 students/seniors, plus seven free programs. >>

thru 2/18: the ‘bestial’ ever have: film forum (west village) screens jean cocteau’s beauty and the beast (1946). $14. >>

thru 8/21: the cooper-hewitt design triennial exhibition, ‘beauty,’ features 250+ works of extravagance, intricacy, transgression and emergence by 63 designers from around the globe. $18 general, $12 seniors, $9 students. >>

check our website for ongoing events. >>

sales, deals, freebies

ends today: take an extra 20% off groupon spa, restaurant, activity and other deals with promo code ‘gift20’. >>

ticket deals

get tickets to blood manor’s bloody valentine’s haunted house thru 2/14 for $16-25 (plus ticket fees, reg. $30-45). >>

get free tickets to the art on paper art fair at pier 36 3/4-6 (plus ticket fees, reg. $25). >>

get free tickets to the annual new york green festival at the jacob k. javits center 4/15-17 (plus ticket fees, reg. $10-19). >>

get tickets to mike birbiglia’s thank god for jokes at culture project’s lynn redgrave theater 2/16-3/10 for $25+ (plus ticket fees, reg. $56.50+). >>

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THURS, 2/11: THE PRINCESS BRIDE FROM MEMORY, CRAIGSLIST LOVE SCENES, MEN WITH CATS

around town today

6-8pm (thru 4/30): the ‘coded_couture’ exhibition features the work of 10 international designers who use coding as a design tool. opening reception tonight. pratt manhattan gallery (west village), free. >>

6:30pm: word nerds unite for an illustrated lecture on anagrams, palindromes and the greatest scrabble plays of all time with john d. williams jr., former executive director of the national scrabble association and co-author of everything scrabble. nypl mid-manhattan, free. >>

6:30-9:30pm: the old bags project confronts the anti-aging consumer culture with an exhibition of images of older women stripped to their underwear with shopping bags over their head. rabbithole (brooklyn heights), free. >>

7pm: photographer david williams celebrates cat-owning men and their favored felines at the launch of his new book, men with cats: intimate portraits of feline friendship. powerhouse arena (dumbo), free. >>

7pm: get your mind back in the gutter for a cards against humanity meetup at strand bookstore (union square), with booze from the beer table, salty snacks from sigmund’s pretzels, and a chance to win raffle prizes. purchase of a $15 strand gift card required for admission. >>

7pm (monthly): authors read between their own lines at the ’behind the book’ reading series. this month features matt gallagher (youngblood) and lynne steger strong (hold still). kgb bar (east village), free. >>

7pm: the flapper revolution: mel gordon, uc berkeley professor and author of voluptuous panic, gives insight on the rise and disappearance of flapperism in the 1920s. morbid anatomy museum (gowanus), $8. >>

correction: this event is on 3/11 7-11pm: the second annual warriors fund tattoo art show + auction at williamsburg’s eight of swords tattoo parlour showcases the works of fifty artists and benefits students at south dakota’s pine ridge reservation. free admission. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show (monthly): get your dose of schadenfreude at mortified, a tribute to teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more) shared by their original authors. littlefield (gowanus), $10. >>

7pm doors, 8pm show: booty and the beast: hotsy totsy burlesque takes on the disney princesses and strips them down to their bare essentials. the slipper room (les), $10. >>

7:15pm doors, 7:30pm show (weekly): josh zepps (huffpost live) hosts #wethepeople live, a town-hall style panel show for journalists and comics where guests take shots at world headlines, then each other. tonight’s guests include abbi crutchfield (broad city, someecards), anthony fisher (reason magazine), myq kaplan (small, dork and handsome, comedy central) and felix salmon (@thisisfusion). $4 vodka drinks + beer. pine box rock shop (bushwick), free. >>

7:30pm (monthly): performers, writers, and regular folks tell stories about mental health (or the lack thereof) at the talk therapy storytelling + open mic show. how does that make you feel? tonight: comic lindsay goldwert, storytellers david hu and lori baird, plus open mic spots. q.e.d. (astoria), $5. >>

7:30pm (bi-monthly): pete’s reading series returns with readings by rachel b. glaser (pee on water) and rob lopez (part of the world). pete’s candy store (williamsburg), free. >>

7:30pm: kyle ayers solicited adult film scene ideas from craigslist, which will be acted out live on stage by a large cast of comedians at the ‘first comes love’ anniversary show. the bell house (gowanus), $8 adv, $10 door. >>

7:30pm (weekly): the lasers in the jungle comedy show features stand-up by myq kaplan (small, dork and handsome, comedy central), jon fisch (letterman), jo firestone (the chris gethard show, punderdome 3000), jessica watkins and matt maragno. ucb (east village), $5. >>

7:30pm: contemporaneous ensemble presents ‘laws of nature’, an evening of music written by fjóla evans, kate moore, anna thorvaldsdottir and joanna newsom. pioneer works (red hook), $10 suggested donation. >>

7:30pm: dover quartet performs schumann and shostakovich at the david rubenstein atrium at lincoln center (uws). free. >>

7:30pm doors, 8pm show (monthly): at the pander public radio show, comedian justin perez invites funny people to tell stories while he impersonates a famous podcast host. this month, he’s ira glass, and guests include mike recine (conan), matt koff (the daily show), brett druck, christina galston, napoleon emill and carmen lagala. the experiment comedy gallery (williamsburg), $8 adv, $10 door. >>

7:30pm doors, 8pm show (monthly): don’t you dare laugh at the serious matters comedy/variety show, featuring guests todd barry (louie, flight of the concords), jo firestone (the chris gethard show, punderdome 3000), brock mahan (comedy central), josiah madigan (ask me another), doug smith (see you in hell) and mentalist vinny deponto. hosted by kevin mccaffrey (letterman). union hall (park slope), $7. >>

7:30pm doors, 8pm show: guests share journal entries, poetry, original songs and art from their adolescence on stage at lyssa mandel’s bitch seat: therapy comedy talk show. tonight’s two-year anniversary show includes brandon scott wolf (best time ever with neil patrick harris), amber nelson (almost genius), lynn bixenspan (relationsh*t) and rebecca vigil (your love, our musical). le poisson rouge’s gallery (greenwich village), $8 adv, $10 dos. >>

8pm (monthly): you’ll get complimentary dessert (cake! pie! cookie bars!) at tonight’s it’s all happenin stand-up show. this month’s guests: nore davis (comedy central), saurin choksi (fuse tv), alex english, ayanna dookie and lawrence deloach. hostred by brian parise + janelle james. frank’s lounge (fort greene), $5. >>

8pm (monthly): the kweendom lgbtq comedy and storytelling show comes out with host bobby hankinson, and features stand-up by ryan haddad, veronica garza, garry hannon, filip jeremic and music by afterbirth monkey. net proceeds go to streetwise + safe, a community-building leadership organization for lgbtq youth of color. the unicorn (les), $10 suggested donation. >>

8pm: (monthly): comedians and storytellers just can’t hold it in at the awkward poop… and the city storytelling show. tonight’s unfortunate tales come from liam mceneaney (tell your friends!), chris luther, anita flores, val williams and val roder. hosted by natalie wall. bonus: free beer! the creek and the cave (lic), free admission. >>

8pm (thru 2/14): a bloody comic book comes alive onstage at radiohole’s tarzana, the story of a guilt-ridden superman, two non blondes, an architect of terror and more surreal mayhem. collaboratively written with screenwriter jason grote (mad men). $15 splash zone seats, $25 general admission. >>

8pm: the new school presents the annual mannes sounds festival, featuring performances by students, faculty, and guests. tonight’s opening program is a tribute to william shakespeare, with music inspired by the bard performed alongside excerpts from his plays. free. >>

8:30pm (+ 2/12, 14): laura lane and angela spera perform comedic sketches inspired by their new humor and advice book, this is why you’re single. the pit, $10. >>

9pm (monthly): at the low standards show, guests perform stand-up and discuss their favorite underappreciated films. tonight: janeane garofalo (wet hot american summer) and mike recine (conan). hosted by john murray and matt fisher. bonus: $3 off sixpoint drafts 8-9pm. videology (williamsburg), free. >>

9:30pm (monthly): at the cartoon monsoon show, comedians mary houlihan and joe rumrill pay homage to shows like pee-wee’s playhouse and lamb chop’s play-along with original costumed characters, animations, and puppet and human sketches. the annoyance theatre + bar (williamsburg), $5. >>

9:30pm: the princess bride… entirely from memory: eight performers attempt to recreate the story of the beloved tale from memory. without knowing which role they’ll have until the show. with additional audience-written lines. and random sound effects added in. the pit (flatiron), $10. >>

check our website for ongoing events. >>

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Tuesday, Feb 16 at 8PM

So you’re thinking maybe it’s time to have a kid. Or wait, better to start with a pet. Before deciding anything, we urge you to hear out our two teams of experts (not really, they’re just comedians) including Uptown Showdown favorite Maeve Higgins, Baratunde Thurston (How to Be Black), Jo Firestone (Dr.Gameshow on WFMU), Abbi Crutchfield (People Now), Chris Duffy (You’re the Expert), and John Fugelsang (Tell Me Everything) who will be arguing the salient, most crucial, life impacting points about whether it’s Philip or Fido. Hosted by Matthew Love.

You never know what to expect at this bi-monthly, wacky debate series that brings together two teams of comedians, writers and performers to face-off on a chosen topic, such as which dessert is superior pie or cake and is it better to be comfortable or fashionable?

MORE INFO

coming up

2/12 5:30pm: a heated subject: the new school’s india china institute brings in flood of fire author amitav gosh and professor prasenjit duara for a discussion on global warming and the rise of asia. free. >>

2/12 6:30pm: time correspondent jay newton-small hosts a ‘girl talk’ on the subject of his latest book, broad influence: how women are changing the way america works. new america (flatiron). free (rsvp). >>

2/12 6:45pm doors, 7:30pm show: drag queen linda simpson hosts a valentine’s edition of linda loves bingo (fka ‘le bingo’) at le poisson rouge gallery (greenwich village). free admission, $5 for two game cards, $10 for five >>

2/12 7pm: david w. blight (professor of american history at yale), edna greene medford (professor of history at howard) and harold holzer (lincoln and the power of press) introduce a screening of edward zwick’s glory (1980) at the new-york historical society (uws). first-come-first-serve free tickets will be distributed starting at 6pm as part of pay-what-you-wish admission friday nights (6-8pm, reg. $12-19). >>

2/12 7pm: the museum of the moving image’s ‘see it big!’ documentary screening series dedicates three weeks to 20 classic and contemporary docs. remaining in the series: the last waltz, gimme shelter, pina and more. $12 general, $9 students/seniors (includes museum admission). >>

2/12 7pm-midnight (+ 2/13 11am-11pm): you’re already feeling the bern, but now you can see it, too: a bernie sanders-inspired art show and fundraiser comes to brooklyn and features the work of some 50 artists, along with performances by a marching band and a gospel choir, plus free health care by an on-site registered nurse. brooklyn wayfarers (bushwick), free. >>

2/12 7pm doors, 8pm show: go on a hollywood honeymoon, a love-themed homage to the age of the silver screen, with showgirls, acrobats, crooning songbirds, a supper club-inspired atmosphere and you, dancing cheek to cheek with someone special. formal evening attire encouraged. le poisson rouge (greenwich village), $10+. >>

2/12 8pm (monthly): comedians and storytellers recount their most cringeworthy sexual encounters at the awkward sex…and city storytelling show, held in the basement of a sex shop. tonight’s guests: robin gelfenbien (yum’s the word), jefferson bites (foreplay!) and jamie brickhouse (moth storyslam winner, dangerous when wet: a memoir of booze, sex, and my mother). hosted by natalie wall. and thanks to condom giveaways, no one will leave empty-handed. bonus: admission includes free beer + wine, plus 15% off store purchases. the pleasure chest (ues), $12 adv with promo code ‘skint’, or $15 at the door if you mention the skint (reg $15 adv, $20 door). >>

2/12 8pm (weekly thru 2/26): save a couple’s dying relationship in the interactive ‘groundhog date’ show, where audience members watch performers breakup on a loop and try to stop the cycle by offering solutions and stepping in. the annoyance (williamsburg), $10. >>

2/12 8pm: the prettiots play an album release show with the britanys and patio at alphaville (bushwick). $10. >>

2/12 8pm-midnight: develop an appreciation for the art of manual photography at the gowanus darkroom’s one-year anniversary party and gallery show. free. >>

2/12 9:30pm (monthly): lynn bixenspan and morgan pielli’s relationsh*t show features stories and advice from a panel of comics and actual therapists that’s way more fun—and cheap—than a session on the couch. this month’s guests include myq kaplan (small, dork and handsome, comedy central), ben lillie (story collider), caitlin brodnick, marc gerber and daniel perafan. q.e.d. (astoria), $8 adv, $10 dos. >>

2/12 10pm: comedian couples do bits about each other at the bae-o comedy show, hosted by real-life comedy couple nate fridson and alison klemp. the creek and the cave (lic), free. >>

2/12 10pm: reclaim un-cuffing season at the skint’s ’it’s friday, i’m (not) in love’ anti-valentine’s dance party dedicated to those who fly solo on valentine’s day, with music by dj gordon gloom (feeling gloomy, ydh2s), $5-8 drink specials, an all-black dress code, and dark corners to get handsy. littlefield (gowanus), $5 adv, $8 door. >>

2/12-13: (dis) connected and erase your ex’ double features: her + lars and the real girl and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind + forgetting sarah marshall. syndicated (bushwick), $5. >>

2/12-14: get up close and personal with soloweek redux, a weekend-long festival of solo storytelling shows about cats, apartment searches, third grade teachers, phone sex operators and more. the tank (theater district), $10. >>

2/12-16: the 44th annual dance on camera festival features 20 feature films, 36 shorts, and more revolving around ballet, jazz, contemporary jazz and even trapeze. filmmakers and dancers will do q+a at select screenings. film society of lincoln center (uws), $14 general, $11 students/seniors, plus seven free programs. >>

2/12-18: the ‘bestial’ ever have: film forum (west village) screens jean cocteau’s beauty and the beast (1946). $14. >>

2/12-8/21: the cooper-hewitt design triennial exhibition, ‘beauty,’ features 250+ works of extravagance, intricacy, transgression and emergence by 63 designers from around the globe. $18 general, $12 seniors, $9 students. >>

sales, deals, freebies

take an extra 20% off groupon spa, restaurant, activity and other deals with promo code ‘gift20’. >>

ticket deals

get free tickets to the annual new york green festival at the jacob k. javits center 4/15-17 (plus ticket fees, reg. $10-19). >>

get tickets to the 140th annual westminster kennel club dog show at madison square garden 2/15-16 for $20-28 (plus ticket fees, reg. $40). >>

get tickets to mike birbiglia’s thank god for jokes at culture project’s lynn redgrave theater 2/16-3/10 for $25+ (plus ticket fees, reg. $56.50+). >>

get free tickets to the art on paper art fair at pier 36 3/4-6 (plus ticket fees, reg. $25). >>

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