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THE SKINT LOVERS' GUIDE TO VALENTINE'S DAY

to get you in the mood

new museum of sex exhibit explores the life, history and struggle of the condom. $14.50 >>

2/11 7:30pm: enjoy a 5-course prix fixe aphrodisiac menu at the pre-launch party for cathy erway's 'the art of eating in.' jimmy's no. 43, $25 (rsvp) >>

2/11 7:30pm: sample love potions of the '50s at this cocktail party featuring aphrodisiac food and drink from the 1952 book 'venus in the kitchen: or love's cookery book.' word, $5 >>

2/12 12pm: food historian francine segan discusses foods that got the juices flowing in everyone from cleopatra to the marquis de sade. samples! (we'll pass on the frog saliva, though). 92yt, $20 >>

2/12 4-6pm: sip armand de brignac champagne while lingerie-clad models create a live-window performance at agent provocateur mercer street, free (rsvp). you're welcome. >>

eat.shop.love.nyc. and metromix round up oyster happy hours around town, starting at just $1 a pop.


parties and hookups

2/11 7pm: fips and brooklynbased aim to hook you up at their pajama party meatup. free lillet cocktails and smuttynose ipas 7-8pm, plus $3 busch beer all night provide plenty o' liquid courage. $12 advance, $15 door, $20 with speed dating, $7 after 10pm. >>

2/13 10pm: the singles collection = a mixer for single girls and boys and the single girls and boys who want to meet them. drink specials. blackout (greenpoint), free >>

2/14 7pm-2am: gemini and scorpio break in their new pad at brooklyn urban sanctuary with 'the vault of golden vapors': an opium-den themed sanctuary with live chinese jazz from dances of vice's shien lee, burlesque, tarot card readings, body painting, dj, more! $20, $10 after 11pm, $40 includes a dim sum dinner + dessert >>

2/14 8pm: tvotr's kyp malone does double duty with his bands rain machine and iran at glasslands' valentine's day party, $8 >>

2/14 10pm: michael t, justine d, cathy cervenka and laura rebel angel present a 'st. valentine's day massacre' with djs spinning '80s rock, '60s garage, rockabilly, and new wave. power ballad tribute show at 11pm (lighters provided)! trampy cupid go-go! lpr, $10 >>


events

2/10 10pm: tonight's copycat cover song night at otto's pays tribute to arthur lee and love, free >>

2/11 7-9pm: opening reception for he'art project, a showcase of hearts found in everyday objects from around the globe. free bubbly and chocolate covered strawberries! roots cafe (south slope) >>

2/13 7pm: 'valentines with robots': laura g. duncan gives a multimedia presentation about hi-tech sex, with examples from science fiction, medical science and diy sexual robotics. (she owns a handmade star trek uniform, people). bluestockings, free >>

2/13 7pm: love songs! murder ballads! feats of strength! burlesque! kissing booth! proceeds from pete n jenny's cheap date valentines day cabaret benefit the music + art depts of ps 58 + ms 448. jalopy, $10/15 >>

2/13 11:30pm: 'diamond life' = the 2nd annual valentine's day tribute to sade performed by jessica 6 (hercules and love affair). joe's pub, $15 >>

2/14 11am: walking tours manhattan leads you on a stroll to 4 chocolate makers in soho and the east village (mariebelle, kee's, vosges, and a surprise final location). meet at mariebelle's. $5 donation goes to food bank for new york city. pay-as-you-go. >>

2/14 2-3:30pm: the prospect park zoo's 'animal dating and mating' program aims to teach you about reproductive strategies and why size really does matter. make treats for the critters and watch a 'live animal demo' (!) $10 (rsvp) >>

2/14 5:30pm: listen to romantic 19th-century songs and arias performed live by the bond street euterpean singing society in the surroundings of the merchants house greek revival double parlor rooms. $20 >>

2/14 6, 8:15pm: a shirtless clark gable *swoon* and claudette colbert square off in frank capra’s classic screwball comedy 'it happened one night.' bam, $12 >>

2/14 7pm: cartoonist and ny times 'happy days' columnist tim kreider presents a slideshow of the cartoons he drew during a bout with heartbreak. kgb, free >>

2/14 8pm: the 14 members of the main squeeze orchestra (all-female, all-accordion, all-awesome) perform songs of love and anti-love at their annual v-day show. living room, $12 >>

2/14 8pm: valiumtine’s day = variety show feat. comedian john roberts, musicians adira amram and heloise williams (of heloise + the savoir faire), plus guests. galapagos, $15 >>

2/14 8pm: 3rd ward's moviehouse celebrates its 3rd anniversary by screening submitted 3-minute romantic movies featuring 3 things: a reference to at least one of the 3 wise monkeys, a celebrity death, and something uncontrollable. free. >>

2/15 8pm: foreplays = fullstop collective's evening of theater, short films, and live music on the topic of foreplay. galapagos, $15 >>


love stinks!

2/11 7pm: jonathan 'bored to death' ames moderates a round-robin reading of breakup-inspired poetry from 'it's not you, it's me: the poetry of breakup.' powerhouse arena, free (rsvp) >>

2/11 9pm: comedy below canal presents a heartbreak holiday edition of 'mortified,' with adults sharing their cringe-worthy adolescent journals, letters, home movies, and stories. 92yt, $15 >>

2/12-14 midnight: so i fell in love with an ice-pick murderer? 'basic instinct' (1992) screens @ ifc. $12.50 >>

2/13 8pm: lay your old loves to rest with kathleen horan ('relationship obits') at the 2nd annual wake for love + relationship obituary open mic. knitting factory, free >>

2/14 7pm: 'the hook-up conversations' = 'the vagina monologues' of dating-war stories. 1/2 price drinks 7-8pm. fontana's, free >>

2/14 8pm: jon friedman hosts the rejection show's v-day tribute to breakups and heartbreak. featuring elna baker, julie klausner, sean patton, sara schaefer, many more. with the defibulators playing '80s songs... bluegrass style! bell house, $10 >>

2/15 7:30pm: you ain't done with this love business yet- the love hangover features musicians performing duets at this post-valentine's showcase. union hall, $12 >>


freebies

crafty folks! learn how to make paper heart flowers 2/11 2/14 and love lettering calligraphy 2/11-13 2/12-13 at kate's paperie. sample some chocolate while you're there 2/13. free >>

thru 2/14: bring a friend (or a friend with potential) to babeland and you’ll both receive a $10 gift card for your next visit >>

thru 2/14: enjoy tasting sessions, seminars, and other sweet things at 'chocolate + i ny' events all week long. many free. >>

2/14 8:30am-9pm: chocolate bar's west village location will be serving up 2-4-1 cups of hot chocolate: classic, peppermint, hazelnut, caramel, raspberry, white, more. yup- you can get milk or soy. (via email)

2/14: radegast hall + biergarten salutes the single life, fills you up with food and booze: ladies get a free bratwurst, gents get a free shot of navip slivovitz or doornkaat >>

flight 001's travel lovers sale offers up to 60% off luggage, bags and accessories from mandarina duck, calypso, more >>

eating out on v-day doesn't have to empty your bank account. time out shows you the best affordable romantic restaurants (main courses $9-16) >>


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Martha Stewart for 1-800-Flowers.com